The Year: 2032
Space Station: Orbiting a Ventriloquist Shaped Moon
The sensitive Astronaut found himself
slipping upon the lottery-ticket-like landscape
as if his love had recently exploded
the entire history of his current surroundings
in a slick, unsociable-like substance
resembling Old West Sound Effects records
or a galaxy sized encyclopedia encased in black ice
and miserable blood
“Space is dark,” he thought to himself
as he lay there on his back
as dark as the bruise
he was bound to find tomorrow
in the mirror
which was presently forming
like a gibberish Rorschach test blotched
upon the un-inhabitable surface area
of his sucks-at-math ass
“May I be of assistance?” the Station’s shiny Erotobot 4000 asked
as it hovered above him
having witnessed his fall
“No thanks.” The Astronaut said.
“Are you sure, sir?” the Erotobot 4000 responded
You look as if you’re in the midst of a pained state.
I could suck your dick…”
“What…the…no. Fuck off.”
The Astronaut did not want his dick sucked
What was wrong with these goddamned robots?!
That was their answer for everything these days
“Do you need any assistance standing up then?”
the Erotobot 4000 asked.
The Erotobot 4000 stood there
looking like a confused toaster
with unusually large feet
“My systems report that you are not attempting to
get up using your own power.
Is it your intension to just lay there?”
“For the moment, go fuck yourself. I mean, yes.”
The Erotobot 4000 was quiet for a while
The Astronaut was quiet for a while longer than that
Then the Erotobot 4000 spoke again “Are you sure
you don’t want your
“Go away.” The Astronaut screamed at the perverted machine
“I am unable to comply with that thing,
whatever it is you just told me to do.
It goes against my programming. I’m wired
to ensure that no harm comes to humans.
It’s what my entire existence is all about.
Presently you smell defenseless
and also, you look like shit.”.
“You’re goal in life is to make sure no harm comes to us humans?”
The Astronaut had been staring off
into the blackness of space for a while now
and was beginning to sweat
“Seriously? Then why don’t you waddle yourself
over to Engineering and tell that to Captain Gary.
Word is that last week the poor bastard stubbed
his toe, you rolled over and offered to go down
on him, and ended up biting off his dick.”
beyond the stars…….crickets chirping
for a while there were no other sounds
just crickets chirping in space
“That was….an accident.” The Erotobot 4000 explained
its appliance shaped head tilted downward
momentarily, as if it were dislodging
burnt bread crumbs
or momentarily experiencing
“Don’t you think it harmed Captain Gary,
to have his penis chomped off?”
The Astronaut asked
“That question is non-essential.” The Erotobot 4000 responded
his tone robotic and pissy
“You already know the answer to that. I’m equipped with
the latest psi reading equipment and I’ve just totally scanned you.
You don’t really care about the fate of Gary’s penis. I mean, you care
as in you feel bad for him
but that’s not what’s bothering you right now. You’re currently suffering
from some sort of emotional affliction.
You miss something,
and you’re using Gary’s penis
as a form of severed genitaliac deflection.”
but instead of arguing
with a million bucks worth of spare parts
who’s Prime Directive was
to blow him
the Astronaut lay there wondering
if it’s true that nobody can hear you scream in space
then why could he hear crickets?
and then in an attempt to be the better man
about such things, he thought:
maybe it’s true
maybe she will be better off without him
and while thinking these thoughts
he felt an infinite interstellar ocean of dark matter
pressing against his space suit
carving first drafts into his
showing him once and for all
that there are far worse things
than irrational oblivion
while above him
star clusters colliding
like the dead light
of tightly lipped cauliflower
drowned in a
‘Lately I’ve been writing and publishing books for Monkey Puzzle Press under the name Get in the car, Helen. But my real name is Rob.’