Tag Archives: Bob Towey

2 more poems by Bob Towey

 

Bob Towey graduated into the collapse of western civilisation and currently works as a Cow Inseminator in Cambridgeshire, England. If you’d like to read more from Bob, other poems can be found at Gutter EloquenceUnderground Voices, Vector and in two inch high letters on a wall in Addenbrooke’s Hospital, Cambridge. On the main corridor as you go from the concourse up to the ATC. The website is www.bobtowey.com.

 

N+7

(via Urban Dictionary)

 

A form invented by the French writing group Oulipo, in which each noun or substantive word in a text is systematically replaced by whatever is seven places away in the dictionary. Results vary by dictionary.

 

Austerity chic is fraudware for Bucky O’Hare

Austin syndrome is fraywhore for Budrys reflex

Australian water snout is frazgasm for Bud Wiseman

Austrian twins is frazzle town for bueno can’t complaino

Austrodacious is freahlfkashdlkadhflafhkafd for buff-ting-a-ling

Autextism is freaky two shoes for Buffy photographer

Authentic tea bag is frealz for bufoniforms

Authoritaah is freckle fart for bug munching savages

Authority finger is fredriechious for bugs in the rug

Autistic yawning is Fred West for build-me-up-buttercup

Auto-tune slut is freeway theory for Built to Spill

Autowanker is free will for Bukenberger

Autsling saw-face is FREE with paid order for bukkake circle of trust

Autumn surprise is free your boobs for bukowskifever

Auxiliary taint is freezing my bollocks off for bu-ku-bucks

Auzzie kiss is freezy paralysis for bulcabulary

Avacado asshole punch is fre fre fre fre pwa! for Bulgacroctanus McFadden the 2nd

Ava Devine is fregnant for Bulgarian nuclear program

Available hole is frehiggedyshniggit for bulging the onion bag

Avalon the Infected is freiocracy for bulimic steven

Avanskance is frekafrekafresh for bulky duck

Avant-bro is frekamorphic for bullshine

Avant-garde is French for bullshit

 

 

 

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2 poems by Bob Towey

 

‘Hector Gilbert’ is a porn and pitchfork.com mutilated sonnet, ‘Radiohead’ is dedicated to anyone who has ever argued with a music messageboard.

Hector Gilbert

 

Hector Gilbert tight buttocks in motion

Hector Gilbert cock pussy explosion

 

Free Hector Gilbert Espionage Flicks!

See pics of Hector’s torso swept, exposed

Sir Gilbert sips, it’s, er, elephant piss

in Hunter Gilbert Smells Girls videos

 

Does Hector Gilbert sense that I exist

while writhing naked, jacking off on cam,

his clients frothing, milk spilt down his tits

and housewives jamming lines when Hector hands

that fine and famous cock of his to kings

who nod and sagely recognise his claim

and weeping abdicate their sloughing skin?

 

Read Hector Gilbert rate the porn that’s new

to him this month in Hector’s magazine

‘The Gilbert Hump’ with renowned peer reviews

and columns from real Gilbert milfs turned teens.

Hector Gilbert – Ashamed Stripping and Wet 6.0

Hector Gilbert – Browsing with Madonna 7.3

Hector Gilbert – High Fiving Forming Sects 9.8

Gaunt Hector Gilbert –  Autopsy Sculpture 4.1

 

Am I Hector Gilbert? No.

 

So stand as lepers joyful to have shamed

our tribes in stalls when Hector’s out on tour.

Your eyes like mine, so soft and wide with hope

that yes that’s Hector’s seed spilt on the floor

and licking cum from splinters lets the Pope

help count each soul that rotting shed a cell

towards my clone of Hector’s perfect hell.

 

 

Radiohead

 

yeah you’ve gotta have an opinion but

OKC is their most melodic stuff

though some people get depression from the second

side for me a song like Lucky is one

of the most languid songs ever made

lyrically and musically they recorded it

in one day and that blows my fucking mind

 

there’s just too many laptops on Kid A

to make a difference to man or beast when

they owed the fans some back to basics rock

britpop anthems as on The Bends with EVERYTHING

even more raw and Jonny ripping up on

his guitar not watching while Thom commands a

droid to suffer for him look I’ve heard the

Aphex Twin and it’s all blip blip bleepy bloop bloop

 

you can kid yourself you like anything

if you listen to it enough a lot of fans

don’t want to admit the new stuff is shit

but even they would rather hear the old classics

in the future you’ll realise what you cannot knock

 

Bob Towey graduated into the collapse of Western civilisation and currently works as a Cow Inseminator in Cambridgeshire, England. If you’d like to read more from Bob, other poems can be found at Gutter Eloquence, Underground Voices, Vector and in two inch high letters on a wall in Addenbrooke’s Hospital, Cambridge. On the main corridor as you go from the concourse up to the ATC. The website is www.bobtowey.com.

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