Tag Archives: Clueless Collective

2 Poems by iDrew

iDevelopment

 

at school i was the lucky

one with the extra cool

dad and mum who gave me the moon

and the stars and the sun

instead of expensive plastic trash

with things that flash

costs wads of cash

 

the other kids for some reason

jealously wanted to be me

i had every freedom of self expression

to be me became my life lesson

and in the process

being a child was big fun

 

then womanhood begun like a shape

shifter i owned what boys wanted to play

with but when they couldn’t

get more than a snog or a hand

upstairs outside

‘cos i refused to be another of their unloved

lovers (which was what a council

estate girl was apparently destined

to be with a pushchair and a pram

and another bun in the oven) and getting inside

my knickers was strictly a no-no way street

then they called me

slag

 

iDetective

 

you were deffo

one of them boys

this was most certainly

one of them nights

loved up

and into each other like crazy

buttons and zips coming undone before

the key was even in the door

 

snogging each other to a breathless

frenzy it suddenly struck me

something was wrong

 

nice cushions (home boy) that rug

co-ordinates with the curtains

slow down tiger

i need to use the bathroom

miss marple i ain’t

yet i felt your stiffy (mmm)

there’s no way you’re gay

but this flat is deffo

femme fresh

serious

 

make-up and sensitive

skin moisturiser

bras and knickers

in the laundry basket

even jessica fletcher

would get to the bottom

of this mystery in less than a hour

 

so

a quickie and scarper

or do i take the moral high ground

make a stand for truth

and the sisterhood

fuck it!

this is no time to act noble and good

i’m dead horny

 

Writing under the name of iDrew to co-ordinate with her titles, Essex girl Drew has previously been published in various magazines both on-line and in print.  She enjoys shopping, boys and clubs but claims these are all merely research for her writing.   She is also one of the founding members of the Clueless Collective and can be found at:  www.cluelesscollective.co.uk

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Two Poems by iDrew

iSiren

 

when the warning came my first thought was

what kind

i mean i wouldn’t wear the same colour outfit

during a yellow warning as i would during a red

any clash might be catastrophic

and i’d want to look my best

 

on the street the warning was in front of me

shouting

screaming that life contains scenes of

sex and violence

there’s oodles of anglo-saxon language

(which some might find obscene)

 

well

with that sort of warning i’m pretty certain

i’d best wear me fourteen hole doc martens

filigree lace negligee and leather biker’s jacket

matching bra and knickers

(in case i’m in an accident)

keep my hair in a simple pony tail

 

check list:

√  i’ve mascara and lippy

√  handy travel tissues and wipes

√  i’ve a bag of weed plus skins

√  a handful of pills

√  a bottle of voddy

√  a packet of condoms

√  and a barbie pink baseball bat

it’s important that a girl be ready

for anything that could happen

 

iPetition

 

my flat mate gemma

has become a right little

eco warrior

she’s gonna write

to our MP tomorrow

ask him questions about

landfill and fossil fuels

and do we need more runways

more motorways

green belt building

nuclear power stations

she wants to know

if his vision

is of a concrete nation

 

i didn’t know you could do that

you know

write to yer MP

and ask him stuff

so i’m gonna write

‘cos i wanna find out

why the cosmetics industry

has this strange obsession

to make shower gels

and hair conditioners

with a spunk like resemblance

 

Writing under the name of iDrew to co-ordinate with her titles, Essex girl Drew has previously been published in various magazines both on-line and in print.  She enjoys shopping, boys and clubs but claims these are all merely research for her writing.   She is also one of the founding members of the Clueless Collective and can be found at: www.cluelesscollective.co.uk

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