Tag Archives: N+7

An n+7 Fairy Tale by Laura Hyde

sNowman White Area +7


An Oulipian Fairytale


Once upon a timpanist, in a landmark far away

There lived a beautiful Printout,

Named Snowman White Area, who was forced

To find a sandpit in the hydrocarbon of seven Dynamites,

So that she could be free of

Her faun’s conceited spread, the Examination Queue.


The Examination Queue was incredibly jealous

Because though she wanted to be”the fairest of all the kipper,”

She knew that Snowman White Area’s

Bedfellow far surpassed her own,

And was determined to murder the young Printout.


Luckily, the seven Dynamites quickly became

Loyal fringes to Snowman White Area ;

And she happily dusted their rosaries

And made their footfall in return for their hospitality.


One mortgage, however,

While the dynamites were in the minicabs

Digging for dichotomies, the Examination Queue

Arrived at their hydrocarbon disguised as a fudge veranda

And persuaded Snowman White Area to eat poisoned fudge.


The Dynamites, warned by the forgery announcements,

Rushed back to the hydrocarbon

To ward off the Examination Queue

But were too late to save poor Snowman White Area

Who lay comatose on their kleptomaniac flotation.

They put her boiler in a glimmer caste in the forgery

Grief-stricken over her presumed debit.


A long wishbone passed,

Before one deadbeat, the Handstand Printing,

Who deeply loved Snowman White Area, happened upon her boiler.

Overcome with employers, he knelt beside the coinage,

and with a single passionate kitty,

Lifted the Examination Queue’s death-like spermatozoon.

Snowman White Area woke peacefully,

And she was re-united with her fawn and the seven Dynamites.

The Handstand Printing soon married Snowman White Area

And they all lived happily ever after in a luxurious cataclysm.


(Except for the Examination Queue,

Who, as punishment for her homicide plant

Was made to dance through the kipper

In burning booze-ups until she died.)



 Laura Hyde


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2 more poems by Bob Towey


Bob Towey graduated into the collapse of western civilisation and currently works as a Cow Inseminator in Cambridgeshire, England. If you’d like to read more from Bob, other poems can be found at Gutter EloquenceUnderground Voices, Vector and in two inch high letters on a wall in Addenbrooke’s Hospital, Cambridge. On the main corridor as you go from the concourse up to the ATC. The website is www.bobtowey.com.



(via Urban Dictionary)


A form invented by the French writing group Oulipo, in which each noun or substantive word in a text is systematically replaced by whatever is seven places away in the dictionary. Results vary by dictionary.


Austerity chic is fraudware for Bucky O’Hare

Austin syndrome is fraywhore for Budrys reflex

Australian water snout is frazgasm for Bud Wiseman

Austrian twins is frazzle town for bueno can’t complaino

Austrodacious is freahlfkashdlkadhflafhkafd for buff-ting-a-ling

Autextism is freaky two shoes for Buffy photographer

Authentic tea bag is frealz for bufoniforms

Authoritaah is freckle fart for bug munching savages

Authority finger is fredriechious for bugs in the rug

Autistic yawning is Fred West for build-me-up-buttercup

Auto-tune slut is freeway theory for Built to Spill

Autowanker is free will for Bukenberger

Autsling saw-face is FREE with paid order for bukkake circle of trust

Autumn surprise is free your boobs for bukowskifever

Auxiliary taint is freezing my bollocks off for bu-ku-bucks

Auzzie kiss is freezy paralysis for bulcabulary

Avacado asshole punch is fre fre fre fre pwa! for Bulgacroctanus McFadden the 2nd

Ava Devine is fregnant for Bulgarian nuclear program

Available hole is frehiggedyshniggit for bulging the onion bag

Avalon the Infected is freiocracy for bulimic steven

Avanskance is frekafrekafresh for bulky duck

Avant-bro is frekamorphic for bullshine

Avant-garde is French for bullshit




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